Not Sold in Stores. Or here. Or Anywhere. (Anymore).
This is the aisle where logic took a vacation and Stanley and his unchecked imagination were left unsupervised. He insists these are “limited edition essentials.” From portable holes to edible umbrellas, Stanley has curated a collection of items that redefine “consumer goods.” Please lower your expectations and raise your sense of humor. Terms and conditions may apply. We haven’t written them yet.
Stanley’s Windshield Wiper for Glasses
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“Great for rain, also works during emotional movies.”
— Doug, openly weeping in public
Stanley’s Glow-in-the-Dark Sunglasses
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“They light up my face at night. I can’t hide from owls.”
— Trevor, reluctantly nocturnal
Stanley’s Deluxe Pocket Fog Machine
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“Great for drama, bad for the grocery store checkout line.”
— Terry, now shopping online
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“Took this tumbler on a hike. Came back with more water than I started with.”
— Sheila, confused but hydrated
Stanley’s Portable Porch Swing
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“Hooks to anything. Used it on a moving bus.”
— Greg, banned from public transport
Portable Hole (Travel Size)
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“Dropped my sandwich in the hole, pulled out a taco. I’m not mad.”
— Greg, flexible eater
Stanley’s Singing Alarm Clock
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“Wakes me up by roasting me about my life choices.”
— Denise, insulted but punctual
Edible Paper Clips
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“Perfect for meetings. Tastes like beef jerky.”
— Jill, Office Legend
Stanley’s Remote-Control Cloud
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“Followed me to work, rained on my boss.”
— Trent, happily unemployed